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Setting goals is important for success and personal development. They motivate us, add to our quality of life, and introduce us to new skills and competencies. How could there possibly be any problems with doing that? Let’s have a look at some of the problems and issues that can arise from setting goals.




What criteria do you use to set a goal?

Landmarks are often used as the rationale behind setting a goal.
People may be newly single, have been made redundant or reached a significant birthday and is determined to reinvent themself. There can be many factors that influence our goal setting. For some people it is about money and the requirement to earn, for others they may want to freshen up their image or do something that was always a dream. Often the desire for a better quality of life and inner satisfaction are major motivators at these times. Sometimes though it is important to stop and do our homework first, investigate the reasons behind our decisions and understand what we are letting ourselves in for before we rush into something new.




Whose voice do you hear when you set yourself a goal?

Some people come to realize that they choose their endeavors and goals in life based on the hopes, dreams and approval of others.
The approval of parents, teachers, and loved ones can be a major factor in deciding which direction to take in life. Often parents want the best for the children and this frequently equates to good academic success and a professional career. This can be problematic for the more creative, artistic child who may shelve its own desires in a desperate bid for approval. Coming to realize that for most parents, seeing their children happy and content whether they are a gardener or a brain surgeon can take a while to be appreciated and acknowledged.




How do you ensure a balance between the various areas of life?

One problem is that goals can become all consuming. It is important to commit with enthusiasm to a goal; after all there is no point in doing something half-heartedly. But balance is the key to performing well and the fact is that everyone works better when they have a healthy balance between family, friends and personal life as well as work. The reality is that people return to their work with renewed inspiration and vigor after they have had a break. Even if it means simply stopping for food or a visit to the gym, a break helps to alleviate stress, think of something else for a time and then return to the task in hand with a calmer, clearer focus.



How do you measure success?

On occasion it can be difficult to decide when a goal has been reached. If it is climbing Everest or running a marathon it is straightforward to measure what has been achieved. But for some goals, success is a more nebulous result. Often projects change and evolve over time. The outcome can become more fluid as new angels emerge and a different or modified direction is taken. Goals can motivate as they evolve, but it is also important to take stock and value what has been done and achieved along the way too.




Setting goals can lift us out of our comfort zone and introduce some positive stress into our life. Ensuring that we use goals to motivate us while keeping a healthy balance in our life helps us to stay on track and enjoy the opportunity they provide to enhance and improve our life.


By Susan Leigh 



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What is all the hype about flirting and why should you bother? If you are a single woman interested in making a connection with a wonderful single man, flirting is a great way to get noticed. Flirting is not just about how you interact; it's about how you dress, how you talk, and your body language, among other things. Flirting says you are a confident woman who is easy to talk to.


First, how you dress:

If you are a woman who would rather not bother with dressing up, have you considered that men might not want to bother talking to you if you are content to wear sweats in shades of gray? Men look first, and if they like what they see, they are more likely to approach you. Get with a trusted girlfriend and take a look at your closet if you are not sure what looks good and feminine.


Look, I was never a "girly girl" when I was younger. But I gave it a shot and I found I enjoyed the attention I got as a result. I am not extreme with it; I chose what worked for me. And you can too.


Next, how you talk:


You do not have to do a Marilyn Monroe pout and sexy voice to be flirty. Talking about upbeat subjects, smiling, and making eye-contact are sexy, girls! Asking a man to talk about himself and listening attentively can be flirty (but not if you're interrogating him).  Flirting does not need to be blatantly sexual. Friendly flirting with hints that you are enjoying the company of the man you are talking to is enough.


What about body language?


When you are interested in someone, you lean forward. You let him know you like what he has to say. You can wear a low neckline and lean forward, but come on! That seems too forward and maybe even desperate.  Preferably, you let him know that you like him by engaging him in conversation, lightly touching his arm when you are making a point, or playfully punching him in the arm (lightly, ladies) if he makes a joke or teases you.


By Michelle E. Vasquez




Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC, helps single women over 40 find, attract, and keep the love of their lives by teaching them how to understand what they require to create a happy, successful relationship. She has a growing specialty in helping widows find love again after loss. 








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