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Kevin thinks he is his own man. He does whatever he wants regardless of the circumstances. He does not listen. Kevin claims to understand manhood because he has fathered several children. However, Kevin lives with his mother and is jobless. He constantly evades child support payments and bill collectors. Yet, reality never sinks into his mind. He proclaims to the world that he’s a ‘real man.’ Sadly, Kevin represents a growing number of weak men in our society.
 
Introduction
 
One night I could not go to sleep. I watched a movie classic, “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” which featured Paul Newman, Burl Ives, and Elizabeth Taylor. Ex-football player and alcoholic Brick (Newman) reunites with his father, Big Daddy (Ives), who is dying of cancer. The movie showcases an assortment of personal conflicts and family drama. One of the strongest conflicts is between father and son. In one scene, Brick is found arguing with his demanding father, “I didn’t want a boss. I wanted a father. All I ever wanted was you to love me.” The movie provides a clear theme for the issues associated with manhood today. In the movie, the father’s controlling behavior contributes to the weakness of his son. Likewise, many people in America share the blame of creating weak men. Are we unknowingly contributing to the growth of weak men? It is a troubling observation as we look at our society. Several years ago, the hot story was about the brutal treatment of Rhianna, a singer, by boyfriend Chris Brown. Back then, many pundits and women’s advocates highlighted the negative nature of abusive relationships. While these stories are the tragic realities of our culture, they are often forgotten as a passing snapshot before another sensational news story. Yet, the most disturbing thing to witness is the growing trend of more weak men in our society. This article focuses on the attributes of real men.
 
The Real Problem
 
The storyline is very troubling. Weak men are negatively impacting our society. According to the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence, 25% of women had been raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime in the 1995-1996 study.[1] Women experienced 20% of all nonfatal violent crimes at the hands of an intimate partner. Celebrities tout their wealth as a symbol of good character. Consequently, destructive behavior is rewarded with million dollar contracts. The model is developed. Many men consider toughness a virtue and kindness a weakness. Young people follow what we do and not what we say. Therefore, a vicious cycle takes place in our culture where manhood isn’t understood. Men are depending more on women to provide for them and take the leadership role in their homes. A large portion of men do not feel the necessity to make any commitments to young women. Some women are disrespected and taken for granted.
 
The Masculine Definition
 
In order to understand a weak man, an individual must understand the meaning of manhood. Being a real man is about possessing responsible character. It involves moving beyond the trivial to the significant in life. This concept is revealed biblically in 1 Corinthians 13:11: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.” The problem is that so many men have not grown up and are living the lives of grown-up ‘children. There is plenty of blame to go around: parents, media, celebrities, and society in general. Young men are growing up confused about the meaning of manhood. Therefore, a fight exists between doing the right things and doing what’s in my own selfish interest. It is the battle of the internal man. General George Patton said, “Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.” Below is how to determine if you have a weak man:
 
·       Is he a dependable person?
 
·       Does he take responsibility for his situation?
 
·       Does he work with you on building a shared vision for the future?
 
·       Is he willing to make a commitment to you?
 
·       Can he keep a full-time job on a consistent basis?
 
·       Does he encourage your dreams and ambitions?
 
·       Does he demonstrate that he respects you by his actions and words?
 
If the majority of your answers are ‘no,’ you’ve got a very weak man on your hands. Therefore, it is up to you to improve your condition in life, not that weak man. Society must allow men to become more self-sufficient. In the movie Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Big Daddy operated in ways that enabled Brick, his son. Consequently, Brick never really experienced the consequences of his bad decisions. Likewise, many people promote the weak man model by cuddling and shielding these men from the realities of life. However, today’s men must be accountable, responsible, and character leaders in society. Giving young boys positive male role models is important in stopping the epidemic of weakness. Therefore, it is crucial that they interface with strong men through organizations like churches and community organizations. If adults take positive steps today, society can prevent this growing problem in communities across this country.
 
Conclusion
 
Real manhood is not an easy process. It is about shouldering your responsibilities, making commitments, and making hard choices. Can you Can you afford to have a weak man in your life? The media constantly bombards us with negative caricatures of manhood. Instead of producing positive results, they generate the negative unintended consequence of weak men. Some parents want to shift the blame to the schools or the government. It is time that we reject this weak man model.  Many men and women are attempting to correct this problem in order to raise more dependable men in our society. Real manhood is not glamorous as the movies would have you believe.survive with a weak man?
 
By Dr. Daryl D. Green



[1] “Domestic violence statistics” by American Bar Association
 
 
     

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Popularity should not be confused with sociability. A number of studies in recent decades have shown that appearance, personality type and ability impact on a child's popularity at school.
 
Good-looking, easy-going, talented kids usually win peer popularity polls but that doesn't necessarily guarantee they will have friends.
 
Those children and young people who develop strong friendships have a definite set of skills that help make them easy to like, easy to relate to and easy to play with.
 
Here are twelve essential skills that children have identified as being important for making and keeping friends:
  1.  
  2.  
  3. • Ability to share possessions and space
  4.  
  5. • Keeping confidences and secrets
  6.  
  7. • Offering to help
  8.  
  9. • Accepting other's mistakes
  10.  
  11. • Being positive and enthusiastic
  12.  
  13. • Starting a conversation
  14.  
  15. • Winning and losing well
  16.  
  17. • Listening to others
  18.  
  19. • Starting and maintaining a conversation
  20.  
  21. • Ignoring someone who is annoying you
  22.  
  23. • Cooperating with others
  24.  
  25. • Giving and receiving compliments

     

 
Friendships skills are generally developmental. That is, kids grow into these skills given exposure to different situations and with adult help.
 
In past generations 'exposure to different situations' meant opportunities to play with each other, with siblings and with older and younger friends.
 
They were reminded by parents about how they should act around others. They were also 'taught' from a very young age.
 
Arrested Development
 
The NEW CHILD grows up with fewer siblings, fewer opportunities for unstructured play and less freedom to explore friendships than children of even ten years ago.
 
A parenting style that promotes a high sense of individual entitlement rather than the notion of fitting in appears to be popular at the moment.
 
These factors can lead to delayed or arrested development in these essential friendship skills, resulting in very unhappy, self-centred children.
 
Here are some ideas if you think your child experiences developmental delay in any of these essential skills or just needs some help to acquire them:
 
Encourage or insist that kids play and work with each other: Allowing kids the freedom to be kids is part of the message here but parents have to be cunning with the NEW CHILD and construct situations where kids have to get on with each other. For some kids "Go outside and play" is a good place to start!
 
Play with your kids:
  1.  
  2. Interact with your kids through games and other means so you can help kids learn directly from you how to get on with others.
  3.  
  4. Talk about these skills: If you notice your kids need to develop some of these skills then talk about them, point out when they show them and give them some implementation ideas.
  5.  
  6. Kids are quite ego-centric and need to develop a sense of 'other' so they can successfully negotiate the many social situations that they find themselves in.
 
As parents we often focus on the development of children's academic skills and can quite easily neglect the development of these vitally important social skills, which contribute so much to children's happiness and well-being.
 
By Michael Grose CSP
 
 

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I experienced one of the most healing programs I have ever done, and believe me, I’ve done plenty! It was at the Liphe Balance Center in Weston, CT. I had been suffering for several years with joint pain and fatigue from an autoimmune response to a spider bite…to the point that I was limping and hip replacement and hand surgery were recommended (the cartilage in my hand and hip had deteriorated). I tried over a dozen natural therapies to little avail. When I participated in the Center’s Liquid Feast, my joint pain (everywhere) ceased, my energy levels went sky high AND, as a wonderful and unexpected side effect, I lost 20 pounds!
I was a very healthy eater prior to the program, especially as compared to most of the population. My vices were frozen yogurt (haven’t had that in over a year…wow!) and dark chocolate (I still indulge more than occasionally). But, I learned, I was, as are most of us, an acid eater. All proteins, all dairy, all sugar, and many grains are acidic foods. What’s left, you may ask. Greens and alkaline grains. Many turn off at that point and say I want to eat what I want to eat…and to each his or her own. For me, I’ll eat cardboard to feel better.
In becoming gluten-free a few years ago (finding that did help a little and stopped the swelling of legs and hands I experienced most of my adult life) I turned to rice products as substitutes…rice cereals, rice crackers, rice pasta, rice based ice cream…all very acidic.
What was a new addition to my new alkaline diet was lots of healthy oils (and I don’t mean just olive oil in salads but adding to my vegetables, soups and cereals coconut oil, avocado oil, hemp oil) and pink salt which is high in minerals. Eating lots of the oils and salt completely decreased my sugar cravings and did not cause swelling at all. Avocado in quantity was also new. We were raised to think a portion was 1/8 of an avocado because of its high fat content. It turns out that the avocado is high in healthy fats and I eat one or two every day (in salads, in guacamole, in shakes).
Drinking a minimum of 3-4 liters per day of water containing alkalizing greens is also important, providing the hydration and chlorophyll vital to the blood of many processes in the body. I find if I go below 3 liters, I feel the difference. Chlorophyll reduces the binding of carcinogens to DNA in the liver and other organs. In addition, it breaks down calcium stones – stones that the body creates to neutralize and dispose of excess acid for elimination. Green plants provide protein, vitamins and minerals, fiber, electrons, phytonutrients, and alkaline salts.
I eat lots of green vegetables, alkaline grains such as millet, quinoa and buckwheat (available in pastas, cereals and crackers so not deprived of them, just substitute for them). I like to eat and I like to cook and I do plenty of both! When I went from being 100% alkaline to about 90%, which is where I am now, I began including wild salmon, trout and sardines (and this makes eating out much easier although when I asked for steamed or grilled veggies in restaurants I was presented with the most wonderful and creative dishes).
The Liphe Balance Center Liquid Feast was exactly that…a feast. I was never hungry, and feasted on allowed foods. It was a good way to kick off the alkalizing process in the body until I segued into regular alkaline eating. The Feast consisted of almond milk smoothies, guacamole shakes, delicious and filling pureed vegetable soups. For the desire to eat something more solid we could eat cut up cucumbers, tomatoes and avocados with a delicious basil/lemon/olive oil dressing. No deprivation there!
Dr. Robert O. Young’s work in acidity/alkalinity is that the over acidification for the body is the single underlying cause of all dis-ease. Think of your body as a fish tank. Think of the importance of maintaining the integrity of the internal fluids of the body that we “swim” in daily. Imagine the fish in this tank are your cells and organs bathed in fluids, which transport food and remove wastes. Some of us have fish tanks (bodies) that are barely able to support life, yet we somehow manage to struggle from day to day…creating severe imbalances until there is the inevitable crash and debilitating, chronic symptoms to deal with.
The pH level (the acid-alkaline measurement) of our internal fluids affects every cell in our bodies. Extended acid imbalances of any kind are not well tolerated by the body. A chronically over-acidic pH corrodes body tissue, slowly eating into the miles of veins and arteries, as well as organs. If left unchecked, it will interrupt all cellular activities and functions, from the beating of your heart to the neural firing of your brain.
I was so successful in the program (as have been so many others) that when Barbara Slaine, the Center’s director, asked me to work with her, I, the happily lone practitioner for 25 years, responded with an enthusiastic YES! We run the Liquid Feasts (and other programs supporting the healing of the body and spirit) together. If you would like to be on the Center’s email list for upcoming events, visit LipheBalance.com.
For further explanation, read Dr Young’s The pH Miracle. There are many printings but the July 2010 printing is best, I found, because of its clarity, simplicity, lists telling you what you can and cannot eat and recipes. It is available on Amazon.
PS…after 1 ½ yrs on the alkaline program I took a blood lipid test as this has been an issue for the past 30 yrs due to genetics (only trying natural remedies all these years, never meds). I had the best results ever, another testament to the alkaline life!
By Andrea Candee, MH, MSC
     

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